Update

Since my last post, so much has happened. I spent Wednesday in shock and it all felt like a blur. By Thursday, I decided to get out of the house and take a ride with Kyle. We were driving down the road, and I was bent over digging around in my purse. Kyle yelled and the next thing I knew a car had slammed into us and another car into them. I was forced back into my seat and my head and neck immediately hurt. I also felt my seatbelt tighten over my stomach. I immediately just started to cry. I still had no symptoms of losing the baby aside from what we saw on the ultrasound.

I went to the Emergency Room by ambulance and felt like that ambulance ride was my low point. I was in pain physically and emotionally. I had been sitting around waiting for something to start happening with the baby, and was still trying to wrap my mind around it all. At the ER, everyone was so kind to me knowing the situation I was in. I went in for a CT scan, and the tech asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant. I told him I was pregnant, but that our baby had no heartbeat anymore. He showed me such compassion, covered my stomach with a shield, and said we would still protect the baby. I was in tears. A complete stranger showed such validation to my baby's life. It was such a blessing to me. I am also thankful the boys were not in the car with us and that Kyle was not hurt.

We were able to go home and the next morning (Friday) came back to the hospital for surgery. I had started running a fever, and knew it was time to face the loss of our baby. I was met with constant love and compassion by each person who cared for me in the hospital. From the lady who checked me into the hospital to every single sweet nurse. 

When it was time to go back to surgery, I had a hard time telling Kyle, my mom, and dad goodbye. I was emotional and scared. God quickly took those fears away, when I was greeted by a nurse, who I had known since high school, and a nurse anesthetist who said he would be praying for me the entire time. 

I made it thru surgery just fine, but am still struggling to adapt. This morning I fixed myself a snack, opened the cabinet to take my prenatal vitamins, and then just froze. I am dealing with emotional pain and also physical pain from the surgery and wreck. I have seen God every step of the way and he has been so faithful to me. I have received so much love and support from friends and family. I am constantly getting messages, phone calls, visitors, front porch drop offs, mail, and deliveries. Having a good doctor also makes the process so much easier. He even came by our house before soccer games yesterday to check and see how we were making it. It is amazing the love God shows you when you are at your weakest point. 

I don't know why we have been put in this situation, and I don't question why. There is a reason God put this in our path and my job is to bring honor to Him through it. I do know we have already been given a platform to share our message of life at any stage and how important it is. My job right now is to recover and grieve. I also have two children, who I have to be strong for and set an example. They will both tell you right now, without any doubt, that our baby is in Heaven and that is the most amazing place to be. I hope their faith can be a shining example to others as well. 

I will try to update again soon!